I have had much time to reflect upon my own life. Where did my negative roots come from? What is the basis? Do I truly have fear?
While I want others to allow God to remove all spiritual blockades to healing, it is very important to share of God’s working in my own life.
Honestly, I guess I do have fear at times.
I am so grateful for my wife Michele in that she shows courage to point out shortcomings in my own life. Trust me, it is not about her looking for those things; I have a way of showing them quite easily.
Isn’t it funny how the ones you love the most get to see the worst of you? I am sure glad she has my back.
That’s how I know she is God’s choice for me. She has my back because she is part of me. And the same is true with her. I am a part of her. We help each other.
My fear is found in the “fear of failure.”
I have never been afraid to try, but I do hate to fail. Failure in me, or better said the fear of it, drives me to places I don’t want to go.
Why am I so afraid to fail? It seems like most of my life that I have put myself in a place of continually trying to prove others wrong.
You see, there is a voice inside me that continues to reiterate “you will never be good enough.”
That voice, as you may guess, comes squarely from my enemy. It is not reality that others openly campaign for my downfall. This is a situation of false evidence appearing real.
Sure there are times when I hear criticism from others, but it certainly is not the majority. Just like any other leader, there is always a small group of opponents and a small group of proponents.
Overall, most people just stand in the wings and observe. Then neither pick the opposition side nor the support side.
My fear has driven me to unparalleled ambition.
I want to try harder than anybody, work harder than anybody, and be more consistent than anybody. These do not suit me well.
Who is this “anybody” anyway? And, why am I trying to outdo this fictional “anybody”?
It comes down to this: often times, I allow pride to creep into my life.
It can become all about me because “I DON’T WANT TO FAIL.” It is not that I want to live a “prideful” existence. I really don’t. However, just like the apostle Paul, my sinful nature gets in the way. Pride can take root because of my fear of failure, and my life can go from purposeful to meaningless overnight.
So how does this relate to fear?
In my own life, I like to say that I don’t care what others think. Down deep, however, I guess there is a part of me that does wonder what others think.
Perhaps, that is the chief reason I do not want to fail. I sometimes get afraid of what others may think. That, as you may gather, is literally a fear of man. I should know better.
Apparently, I have much work to do. On one hand, I say I don’t care what others think, but, on the other hand, my actions do not match up. My fear of failure is clearly based in my fear of man.
God clearly tells me that man can do nothing to me. I hear his voice. He repeats it to me through his word, my wife, other people, and circumstances. Am I not listening? Have my spiritual ears become stuffed up with the noise of the world?
As I ponder this subject matter and conduct my own introspection, I am struck by how easily it is to get off course.
I can help others because of God’s gifting in my life with great success. We give God the glory in all of these healing testimonies. In my own life, however, there have been routine areas of short sidedness.
I have let the fear of man creep in and my faith in God be pushed out. For this I am truly sorry.
In everything I do, I realize that my focus needs to be on reflecting my heavenly father’s goodness, grace, mercy, and love. He is everything to me, and without him, I am nothing.
If I truly believe that he has prepared an eternal mansion for me in his city of gold. What do I have in which to be afraid? If I die at the hands of man, I immediately enter into my wonderful, eternal home. With that, there can be no greater joy.
For my part of this exercise in eradicating the roots in my own life, I offer this prayer (you may use it as well, filling in with your roots where appropriate, for your own life):
Father, you are all I need. I worship, praise, and adore you. Thank you for changing my life from a wretched sinner to one of your children. Thank you for setting me free from the chains of sin. Thank you for preparing a place for me where I may walk on streets of gold for eternity. Thank you for depositing faith in my life. I praise you for your amazing and unexplainable grace.
Father, thank you for revealing the root of fear which led to pride in my own life. Thank you for supplying me with your Spirit to remind me of your ways, your heart, your promises, and your word. I ask you to surround me with your love at this moment. Fill me with your love from the inside out. May I walk in, represent fully, and exhibit your love in every phase of my life: in speech, action, and thought. Forgive me for not trusting in you. My lack of trust, which led to a root of fear and pride, has led me to disobedience. I ask your forgiveness. I repent of my actions and ask for your ever present help as I turn from my wicked ways.
Now Father, thank you for your forgiveness. Cleanse me from all unrighteousness and purge my heart of sinfulness. Help me daily to walk in your peace, trusting in your presence and your purpose. Life here, and life beyond, is all about you. May I represent you well as you strengthen, guide, and direct me daily. In Jesus name I pray, amen.
We all have fear roots.
It is up to us to allow God to “till our garden” on a daily basis. When he is allowed to become the master gardener in your life, his hand will produce seeds which shield a mighty crop of blessings.
I am probably one of the most blessed men alive. I know that. It is not because I am good, work hard, or stay committed; it is because God is good and he shows mercy and grace to a sinful man such as me.
Now, my task is simply to reflect him daily.